Monday, July 20, 2009

The true definition of the word "Plank"

IF you are trying to work out exactly what 'planking' is it is quite simple. The 'craze' 'fad', whatever you want to call it started in Australia as 'The Lying Down Game'. The link to there gives you all the details. I am sure some wit somewhere will come up with a 'flash plank' or many other variations of the theme. However, it is simple (perhaps how you would be perceived were you to engage in the activity), all you need to do is lay face down, arms straight to your sides, and your hands must touch the sides of your body. THE most important aspect is that this must be performed in an 'unusual' or incongruous location... say, South Croydon Bus Station.

An example of planking going wrong is here.

Living in a tourist destination as I do, I would love for someone to come up with a separate 'game' whereby people who have clearly had too much sun, stand around in various states of inebriation while handing the camera to someone who clearly has difficulties operating a cash machine (you know who you are, I was standing behind you the other day wondering if you were practising Beethoven's Fifth or simply incompetent - I will go for the latter). This is variously played out with 'Hang on, get closer. Not that close. Look as if you are enjoying yourselves...', followed by 'Did the flash go off?'. YOU know the rest of the plot.... any-hoo... read on.

The epithet "plank" is (I believe) a British invention where you use the term to describe someone who does/has done/intends to do, something odd or 'not normal' with little regard or awareness of what the have done. Someone 'planking' (see link above) is not necessarily a plank. Someone in a burns unit because they searched for a gas leak in the dark using their lighter would be a 'plank'. A person wearing a red and green scarf at a soccer match when ten thousand fans of the opposing team (orange and black shall we say) are standing around them would not necessarily be a plank. Shouting out "Come on you Reds' or, at a later moment 'Yeah, you and whose army?' could be considered one (there is NO status of 'double plank'). It is dependent upon many other facets and circumstance.

Entering a field when the sign clearly states "Beware of the Bull' does not assign an individual the title 'plank'. Neither does the presence of the bull itself. Wearing red and waving your arms while screaming at the bull does little to bestow the title on someone.

Invariably this appears to be carried out by someone who is an early entrant for the Darwin Awards. There are no national, social, racial, religious, or intelligence boundaries to someone being a 'plank'. It can be an act of stupidity, an attitude, or take many other forms but is clearly categorised either immediately or at a later stage - after or during an action or verbal activity.

It is unclear how, when, or if, someone ceases to be a plank. There is no entry (as far as I know) in the Guinness Book of Records for 'The Longest Plank" (bear in mind the context of the word) although there probably IS an entry for 'an extremely long, flat piece of sawn timber somewhere in there.

This attempt at humour breaks the rules of 'being/becoming a plank' for many reasons... "Osama Bin Laden - World record holder for longest ocean floor plank".

The person who first thought of it could be considered a plank were they to shout this one out at the end of juma on a Friday...

The man here is a plank.

I think you get the idea now. Just in case you are 'being a plank' and, despite everything you have just read, are still uncertain, what follows is a prime example. Plus you get to know what Captain Crunch cereal contains - most of the contents of a 1950's out of date Home Chemistry set if one did not find out what those long words actually are.





The makers of Crunch Berries, PepsiCo, have been sued by someone who tried to plant some of the 'berries' and was somewhat dismayed that they did not grow when she tried to plant some of these in her back yard. Here.

There are two issues here;

1. Crunch Berries apparently do not contain any berries at all, just balls of cereal puffed up and artificially coloured to look like berries and to be crunchy. According to the legal ruling, there is a significant difference between 'berries' (that are crunchy) and "Crunch Berries". In my opinion, this becomes a 'none food' right there.

2. It is alarming that someone has insufficient worldly knowledge to know what any two year old knows and goes ahead with an attempt to grow a breakfast cereal AND then sues.

Now, THAT is what a 'plank' is! A term to describe an idiot... possibly... or a genius.

There is a wonderful 1967 film called "The Plank" ... here.

BUT... that is not all. A visit to the 'CapnCrunch' website (what a jolly place it is) shows some information related to the content and what makes up their products. In addition, you are guided to "SmartSpot" which, at first glance appears to be a nutritional guideline site with links to specific sites covering proper nutritional and health advice. However, a scroll to the bottom of the page reveals that this is a site by PepsiCo themselves. Therefore, they are approving their own product and could be misleading! Somewhat bad that this is portrayed in this manner.

While I applaud them for including this information, it adds a level of 'pseudo-science' to the product that may or may not be validated fact or tested to match with known good practice. The IMAGES used on the site portray happy families with normal body weights. The words lightly touch on the problem that there are a lot of children who are TWENTY PERCENT overweight. There are also lots of 'a study found' with no ability for the average surfer to go directly to the 'study'. i.e., no proper hyperlinks, just 'we found out for you'. This sort of knowledge dissemination is very bad in my opinion.

Validating the RDA's of a food is also a minefield of information and misinformation.

Here are the ingredients of CapnCrunch Crunch Berries:

CORN FLOUR, SUGAR, OAT FLOUR, BROWN SUGAR, COCONUT OIL, SALT, SODIUM CITRATE, PARTIALLY HYDROGENATED SOYBEAN OIL**, NATURAL AND ARTIFICIAL FLAVORS, STRAWBERRY JUICE CONCENTRATE, MALIC ACID, MALTODEXTRIN, MODIFIED CORN STARCH, NIACINAMIDE*, REDUCED IRON, ZINC OXIDE, YELLOW 5, RED 40, YELLOW 6, BLUE 1, THIAMIN MONONITRATE*, PYRIDOXINE HYDROCHLORIDE*, BHT (A PRESERVATIVE), RIBOFLAVIN*, FOLIC ACID*. *ONE OF THE B VITAMINS. **ADDS A DIETARILY INSIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF TRANS FAT

Up to you to do your own research on these and what is considered to be dietarily insignificant or what 'reduced iron' is. The Mayo Clinic has an interesting report on salt, sodium andd potassium levels. Here. There is information on BHT here, here, here, and here. These are just some locations for you to formulate your own opinion... The IARC and WHO consider the products to be carcinogenic. Where do you stand in the 'plank ' department?


Personally, I think you would be a 'plank' to eat these...

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